Wednesday, 5 March 2008

sometimes when I am down

You know most of the people I work with, live with or simply communicate with is quite impressed by my attitude and strength, but I tell you what - I do have my ups - I also have my downs. They happen rarely - downs, I mean - but they still get to me, and if that happens I am miserable, I cry, I neglect the world and I do hate human kind for all the faults. Sometimes it is triggered (by bad, unacceptable news about my colleague's family being shot while sleeping in their beds! just because they happened to choose life in South Africa!) and sometimes it is just the reality of my situation that gets to me (the fact I have no time to read the book I was longing for for so long and now as I got it I am just able to carry it - from work to home, from home to work).
You say I am a good mother. Well, I think I am committing myself as much as possible, but I do have hard times simply because I do it all on my own. Well, together with my lovely son, but sometimes without his co-operation. I do get so, so weak and helpless when it happens!
So please do not think I am a though girl all the time!
And do not get surprised when I am down and make mistakes - I should not, but it happens. And if so, I too deserve criticism, no matter how painful it is. At the end of the day I will be probably saved by one of my dear Angels, spread around the world, but still there, thinking of me, and letting me know how good it is to stay in touch:

I am just living my own life with my own goals, as best as possible, so please do not judge me on the basis of the cover, ok?

And if you think I am lonely - just a clarification: I like living in solitude, and solitude is good if you appreciate it and know when to stop. That silence in the house shapes me:)

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