Brilliant collection of classics, impressionists and post-impressionists amongst them! Small, but extremely intense; offers fans of Van Gogh,
Renoir, Monet and Kandinsky extraordinary moments. Today I saw the courtyard in rain...
..but I will be back soon to enjoy the sunshine there as well.
Two ladies talking behind my back...as I started listening:
' I remember the times when there were no blacks, no Irish, no dogs...and I thought 'I could do with a dog'...
I have just noticed that a good friend of mine drew a new picture - have a look!
I find all my dreams in it, and I hope to see her soon to talk about it. I am amazed by the beauty some of us can create! Amazed!...
Just opened my gmail inbox after few minutes of struggling with my new modem (yes, ladies and gentlemen, Sylwia finally has her own access to the web) and found two comments to moderate. Tell you what - I do not usually have comments here, and due to my work, I know it's not such a bad thing...
Anyway, here is what I have found under my post on Polish Women's Day:
'Hitler didn't finish his job with the Polish, now they are invading Britain'
(Published)
If it were not to the other comment referring to me being a crap photographer, I would have thought it is a random racist abuse...but since it refers to two obviously strong features of my life, I feel a breeze of a known attitude. One I had to live with for a while.
Actually, let me put things into perspective - I have re-located from Hungary to the UK - country I never wanted to live in - for the sake of improving my marriage with a British citizen. I still cannot talk about it openly, but all I can say is that this person has done me a lot of damage - emotional, financial and spiritual - and I was completely victimized. It was my clear choice to move here for him and leave all my friends, artistic plans and lovely city of Budapest, so I will not accept this type of silly generalizations!
Sadly, I am an activist, and believe the lack of tolerance should not be tolerated, so here is to the anonymous coward again - comments are published for others to see and experience the abuse as such! I will not accept the fact people judge me on the basis of my origin, not my passion, so if you have nothing to add, find yourself another field for dropping shit - obviously result of some low self-esteem and lack of basic knowledge - any idiot would know Hitler was aiming to get rid of Jews, not Poles! Some of the Poles were of Jewish origin, yes, but let's not simplify, please!
Myself I have been to Auschwitz at the age of 10, and remember every single brick of it. I have seen German youth crying their hearts out in front of the Wall of Death! I have visited it two more times to finally understand what was happening there, but I could not. I did after reading Merle's 'Death is My Trade'. I still do not accept it though. And I think about the current issues too, about the town that still cannot develop due to the weight of the burden and simple fact that no one wants to invest in the local industry, just in memories! Go on, take a tour around the museum and see if change your little mind to more complicated ideas!
Actually, I am happy to see someone who doesn't like Poles in the UK and finds me a shity photographer still reads the blog and leaves comments (both left almost the same second, which proves that they were made by one person). Also, the style of the comment(s) kind of responds to the main idea behind the blog - to bring out to the open everything I hate about the human kind. So here it is! Let's see if I get more...
Still don't get it? Let me help you: I wrote about it already, people usually do NOT put it in the over, they use a toaster...unless, they look for a great subject of a great industrial photo. Than yes, they do, and they leave it there for a few... what? hours? days? Hell knows how long you need to keep a toast int he oven to make it look like this?!:
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Someone asked me once 'where is your home?'. It's a difficult question to answer and today I realized that there are still traces of disappointment in my approach to reality. I live a very peaceful, happy life - true, not perfect, but heading towards the right goals - and I still tend to be quite melancholic.
First of all I realized I just need my books to create a home (let me not talk about my son and his toys - it's quite an obvious fact he IS my home too). I came to the UK two years ago, end of March with ten books. Now I owe approx.120 of those, all for them very focussed on what I like to do (photography) or whom I like to read (Rice, Eco, Okri, Harris, Banks, Shakespeare,....) and I still haven't read 25% of those. Why? Because of my work, where lately I have spent my evenings continuing what I had to continue from the daily tasks (fair enough, has to be done).
it's time to gradually shift back the balance between the two and invest in pleasures of my own collection, so that it lives inside my head too. Because that's exactly where my home is.
A friend of mine told me she doesn't mind where she lives as long as she lives with good people. (I agree...) She also gives read books away - has no need to keep them anymore.
I think one day I might get there, but I might also become a collector - as my parents were and have a nice library at home.
This new, quiet home gave me time and space to contemplate everything that happened during last three years and how my life has changed me. I was a naive, extremely active little graduate of three faculties, when I met my son's dad. I had a daily job, evening job at a charity school, and went to concerts organized by my friends to help them out, have a beer, take photos of their performing artists and simply live la vida loca (as an opposite to my daily work at a multi firm). I was broken hearted and very romantic, so I guess I was the perfect 'match'..anyway...
I have changed. I have been changed.
I was alienated, closed in an empty box, and constantly attacked. Simply as that. My ego vanished. I became a puppet. My dreams of a perfect artist family faded away with the fog of this country...
Still, how interesting...somewhere deep inside of me a new girl evolved. A very strong, responsible, and well...wise too. And as it became clear to me that there are places in this world where people live dignified lives, I made my choice to live on my own.
I realized that all the sadness and evil I always wanted to know was there, in front of my face and I learned to love it! How bizarre...
I realized there is no way for an individual with my interests and sublime approach to life to live with another artist.
I realized I can hate.
I realized I will have to create my family on my own...and shockingly-
I realized I am capable of doing so!
I realized I am in need of my family and friends, and everyone is. We just need to learn to close the open circles, to learn something.
I realized both Rich and Siobhan are right - you live your life along the main flow, you adjust and change it according to your expectations, deepest desires, your spiritual needs. But you also have to be prepared to learn your lessons and accept the fact the life itself will shape you into someone very different, someone almost unrecognizable just to show you the other side of the mirror. So you can understand who you are and live with healthy pride.
And as Fromm was so strongly trying to preach - you learn to love the right people, but also to allow the right people to love you.
I am 30. What on earth am I going to write about in 10 years time?!
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..just browsing in search for something for my book I have come across few funny sites.
We all know this:
but check the author's portfolio for other illusions - makes your braincells burn!
OK, it gets serious here: check this out - talking about crimes committed via MySpace. Hm...
And if you have not had enough, be the guest of The House, if you dare.
You can even count the time of your death, if you're interested...mine is Tuesday, March 20, 2057 - bugger, another 50 years???! ok, I am going to use a part of next 24 hrs to get some sleep. Good job I didn't enter The House:P
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...while being at home I set up another blog! Ha, as if I didn't have enough of those already..well, I always wanted to have a nice photoblog, since it takes ages to upload something to my porfolio anyway, so here is is, i.e. will be...
http://sylwiapresley.aminus3.com
(I am putting the link this way, because it is not active yet)
..as soon as/if at all my first few pix will be approved.
Aminus3 is a cool engine, the customer support is quick and the interface dead easy, but nice features and 'internal' rules. No wonder it's on the 1st place on wiki's list of photoblog portals.
Me like it!
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How far do we go with art? Or is it just an ordinary idea this person had while having breakfast toast?
Let's see more...
(Thx to Rich)
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It's so good to spend most of the day away from my laptop! We forget the old ways, really. I had to be forced to spend most of my morning in the toilet, and rest of it in bed or just hanging around the flat to realize that there is a pile of traditional letters to be written on my new, very well equipped desk, and there are two unanswered ones since more than a month! Truth, writing a letter on paper with ink (don't think I am a traditional freak, I use normal Parker pen) takes time and - sounds silly - but does require more exercise from your hand. I personally put all my soul into th letters I write - I never know what to start with, but once I do (and the received letters help) I cannot stop.
My aunt told me once that my letter are like having a conversation with her, and that is exactly what I am aiming for! Someone else said I made him feel special with my words.
Because of those people, and those very few who still write to me, I will continue, and I might write les son my blogs, but well, something for something.
Although others, who make money of writing, have different opinions:
'In a blog, everything is really mine. In print, I have to assign copyright to the journal. It's theirs. In a blog, I write, I post and *click!*, it’s up. In print, it typically takes months to make it through the peer reviewers and, if I’m lucky enough to get accepted, additional months before it’s published and mailed bulk rate. It’s not very satisfying to the writer and the topic can quickly turn obsolete.'
'I have to say that producing a book - I have four under my belt if you count my dissertation - is a draining, soul-sapping catharsis. Part of the strain is working for a long time and not knowing if any of it will be worth it. Blogging is almost the polar opposite: almost everything you write is read and used by someone. [..]A blog never stops. The deadline is always with you. Yes, even on a Sunday evening.'
'Though I rarely write letters these days, Mr H has heard me say that I would like to reclaim that form of communication.' (check the blogging awards she received!:))
and something I completely agree with:
'letters sent through the mail, whether hand-written or typewritten, reflect a thoughtful process of action that e-mails - by their absolute ease of creation - do not represent.'
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I met two Polish boys (via Freecycle by the way). One of them works in Wantage for Autotype on new film technologies. I learned something new about Nokia phones and their screens;) I also learned that one of the first photo films was developed by them, in Wantage!
I have met a guy with a half-Polish daughter and a very shy girlfriend. Must be shy, because when I invited him over with his pair the answer was 'Will you not eat her?' (I have the impression he thinks I'm a feminist, well there isn't much difference in my case between feminism and realism, I'm affraid :P).
Still, this statement reminded me of girl I looked up to in Budapest and made me feel good, after all the shit that has happened to me and around me.
Nice weekend and nice evening too...
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...completely forgot about it! (the postcard from my brilliantly old fashioned dad didn't arrive yet!:/)I opened my inbox today and got this!
Not from a man, not from a gay friend, from a girl from my high school...hm...nice roses;)
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Here's to Jason, a guy whose spirit will stay with us forever!
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You know most of the people I work with, live with or simply communicate with is quite impressed by my attitude and strength, but I tell you what - I do have my ups - I also have my downs. They happen rarely - downs, I mean - but they still get to me, and if that happens I am miserable, I cry, I neglect the world and I do hate human kind for all the faults. Sometimes it is triggered (by bad, unacceptable news about my colleague's family being shot while sleeping in their beds! just because they happened to choose life in South Africa!) and sometimes it is just the reality of my situation that gets to me (the fact I have no time to read the book I was longing for for so long and now as I got it I am just able to carry it - from work to home, from home to work).
You say I am a good mother. Well, I think I am committing myself as much as possible, but I do have hard times simply because I do it all on my own. Well, together with my lovely son, but sometimes without his co-operation. I do get so, so weak and helpless when it happens!
So please do not think I am a though girl all the time!
And do not get surprised when I am down and make mistakes - I should not, but it happens. And if so, I too deserve criticism, no matter how painful it is. At the end of the day I will be probably saved by one of my dear Angels, spread around the world, but still there, thinking of me, and letting me know how good it is to stay in touch:
I am just living my own life with my own goals, as best as possible, so please do not judge me on the basis of the cover, ok?
And if you think I am lonely - just a clarification: I like living in solitude, and solitude is good if you appreciate it and know when to stop. That silence in the house shapes me:)
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