insomnia

got to me again...stuck between pain and fear of death; calmness of family re-union and wildness of new photographic equipment I am reading and writing again. I am no longer silent and cannot sleep...I cannot keep calm my soul...I am flooded by the amount of time left...and time chasing me. And believe me, it's not my age I am worried about. It's my sons larger and larger shirts I am ironing, and my fathers quiet suffering when his heart stops for a second and his fear of not waking up.
He had a hard life with my mother, my brother...but mainly with me - his favorite child! O, how many times have i let him down! And how hard I am trying not to do that again.

I hope one day someone will notice his fearless powers and endless urge to live with dignity...maybe in one of my photos.


Now, we are all waiting:/

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